I accidentally had phone sex last night
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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