her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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