Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
