you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
