Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
