she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
