She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
