he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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