and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
