You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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