we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
