You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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