So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
