why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
