Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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