OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
