just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize