Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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