You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
