either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i will never coherently bang her
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
