Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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