Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
