Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
