Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
