You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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