she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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