Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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