I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
