Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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