in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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