He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
