We should be called the Road Head Warriors
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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