We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
