Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
