She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
