Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
