we have pet lesbian snakes
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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