i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
