I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
