Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
