I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
