Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
