i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
