or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
