they need to just BURY HIM!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Text me some of your sweat
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
