No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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