so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
