do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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