I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
