and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
