It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
