The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
