I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
