yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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