I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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