So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
