This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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