im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
