Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The beer is more important than you right now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
