Can Purell be used as lube?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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