The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
