im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
