I just pynch a tree in the face
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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