We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
