I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
