Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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