She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
