You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
