I hope mine doesn't look like that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
