Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
