My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
