So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
